Laos!

number of times I was offered drugs (marijuana, opium) in my first ten minutes in Laos: 3 (I did not partake)

I have to get a whinge out of the way before I start: on arrival in Laos I was so excited by the prospect of new kinds of food to try, good coffee and baguettes (gotta love French colonialism for introducing those to Asia, if for nothing else), Beerlao (the only beer avalaible - luckily it's pretty damn good) and of course the new culture to learn all about. After a month there I am entirely sick of the boring, boring, boring food, terrible guesthouse coffee and bloody bus stations, which I saw more of than anything else. I had been lead to beleive that Laos food was great, fairly similiar to Thai but was hotter and spicier. All lies! I found it incredibly bland. I was constantly amazed that something that looked exactly like curry could have absolutely no flavour except for a hint of watery coconut milk. The standard fare available one you get away from the really touristy areas of Luang Prabang/Vang Vieng/Vientiane was noodle soup, pad thai, fried rice, stir fried veges, veg curry, papaya salad, omelette+baguette. If you're an omnivore you can add deep-fried and/or barbecued meat-on-a-stick to the list, if you dare. Sound good? In theory, yes. In practice, so repetitive and dull. The "veges" was usually cabbage, occasionally spiked with a couple of wedges of tomato or some carrot if you're really lucky. Usually though, just cabbage. Mmmm. And the flavours of all the options - except the baguette, curry and the papaya salad - are exactly the same. So every day was pretty much a rearrangement of the same meals over and over.

Breakfast: baguette now or noodle soup and save omelette+baguette for lunch?
Lunch: papaya salad or baguette (see breakfast).
Dinner: Will I have my cabbage with rice or noodles? Tough choice.
Sleep (invariably dream of food that doesn't involve cabbage).
Repeat above.

Second gripe: busses. I'm thinking of writing a travel guide on "Bus Stations of Laos", I spent so much time waiting around in them. The worst part of hanging around bus stations was the amount of attention you get from the locals. The sight of a couple of foreigners in a bus station was so fascinating to the locals, there was a lot of staring at you and talk about you to their friends. I'm not being paranoid - I can't understand Laos but I know when people say "farang" (foreigner) they're talking about me. Just getting a bowl of soup for lunch was enough to get a crowd of curious Laos people staring and pointing - "oooh, look, the farang eat noodles. Wow!". I even had an old guy on one bus take a photo of me on his phone. So he could show his friends that there was a farang on his bus? Am I that much of a freak?

The country isn't that huge, and the distances between destinations isn't that large, but you're lucky if you get anywhere in under five hours. First there's an hour or so of sitting at the bus station, in order to get every possible passenger before it leaves. Eventually, you pull out of the station and drive around in circles around town for at least 30 min to try and find a few more passengers. By this stage the bus (actually a pickup truck with a roof and a couple of benches) is so packed that you're almost sitting on your neighours lap, your knees interlaced with the person across from you and your feet are resting on a bucket of live fish and a huge bag of chokoes. Eventually you hit the open road, get up to a whopping top speed of 30 km/hr, slowing down as you go past every house, shack and chicken coop just in case someone might want to squeeze into the cubic foot of space that is left on the bus. And every now and then you pull up by the side of the road to be surrounded by vendors brandishing meat-on-a-stick and crickets-on-a-stick which your neighbour will purchase and drop all over you or poke you in the eye with. Or, if you're lucky enough to get a real bus rather than the pickup, you get exactly the same thing with marginally less crowding plus the added joys of Thai pop videos blaring all night without a break. Ugh.

Chris sitting on a corner, waiting for a bus

Right, now that's done, and before you start going "boohoo, poor Kate on holidays, what a hard life", I'll tell you about the fun stuff. I'm going to give you the abridged version of my Laos adventures first, so you don't have to trawl through all my ramblings if you don't want to. Or at least it will help you decide which bits to read and which to skip.

1. Slow boat down the Mekong to Luang Prabang - chilled out watching gorgeous scenery and reading good books

2. Luang Prabang - late nights drinking beer Laos by the Mekong; snogged a Laos monk; met Chris, my travel partner for the rest of the Laos trip

3. Nong Khiaw - stunning scenery, wedged between massive limestone cliffs; attacked by leeches; drenched in sudden tropical storm

4. Vang Vieng - didn't do tubing; found the one restaurant in town that does not show "Friends" on TV; goats cheese and red wine

5. Thakhek - impossibly dull

6. Savannakhet - chilled out and read good books

7. Tadlo (Bolaven plateus) - treked through mud and brambles to try (and fail) to reach waterfall wihout the help of a guide; made a Scrabble set using pebbles and a travel towel; chilled out by the river and read good books

9. Don Det (4000 islands) - chilled out in a hammock and read good books

Sound tough? It really was. You really feel sorry for me now with all my hardships, don't you? eating repetitive food and catching crowded busses - poor me!